Trying to remain a trendy mom and a very responsible single mom can be quite challenging, but achieving that is possible. It is an achievable possibility for single moms to start off romantic relationships and keep their children on board with that new status. Christina Frank recently shared the answers to some of the popular questions single moms tend to have.
1. How To Know When You Are Ready
Frank noted that there were people who waited for years before going back to dating and there were some who began almost immediately after their previous relationship ended. There is no right time or wrong one, but the important thing according to her is to start dating simply because it’s your choice and not because another person thinks that’s the right time for you.
For those who have shared custody with former partners, that means they have more free time on their hands. For those who are the only caregivers, they need to find out time to take a break. According to a mother of four from Wisconsin, Jennifer Fink, she had to take time to process everything that happened in her marriage. Fink added that she visited a therapist, wrote in her journal and also spent time with family and friends.
She noted that she was quite afraid to start another relationship immediately because she didn’t want an unhealthy relationship with someone else again. It was about 5 months after her separation that she went back to dating.
2. Where To Begin
It isn’t strange that you don’t particularly have suitable suitors trying to get your attention and you might find out that being hooked up by your friends might not be the best option for everyone.
There is nothing wrong in telling friends and family that you are open to meeting a new person. In fact, there are people who actually meet people at playgrounds and bars and make things work, but not everyone gets to be like that.
As a busy mother, you have to be home most times. To put yourself in charge of the process, make out a few hours (maybe when your kids are asleep) to get on Facebook. You could also sign up on a dating website and here you can meet a lot of people. A lot of your friends will even be willing to write out your online profile for you.
3. Who To Date
Dating dads may not be a bad idea. Having your own children changes a lot of people and so being with a man who finds it difficult to relate with being a parent may not be the best option.
Frank noted that in her over three years of being a single mom, she had been on dates with guys that were not dads but her two relationships that lasted for longer periods were with dads. She noted that men who have not been parents might not be able to understand some decisions you have to make because you are a parent.
However, dating someone who has kids can also be an issue particularly for fixing schedules as you both need to fix things up with exes. An author on parents.com, Julia Landry, who writes about her experiences as a single mother of a three-year-old said she would rather date dads. Landry noted that the chances are lower than they would judge her unfairly for the fact that she is a single mother and they tend to be more understanding of the fact that she puts her child first.
However, she isn’t in support of a one-size-fits-all rule. According to her, it is easier for men who are not dads to function better with a single mom’s schedule. Thus, if you can make things work with someone, whether or not the person is a dad shouldn’t be a disqualifying factor.
4. How To Handle Breakup
One question you might be considering is what will happen if you begin to date a new person and you guys break up. Particularly, the effect it would have on your kids who knew and liked that person. You should have it in mind that there is a probability that you will break up with a guy as soon as you start dating again.
In a case where your children have warmed up to the new person, it may get them a bit sad, but they would get over it. Frank added that she dated a guy for eighteen months and she found it difficult to tell her daughter when they broke up.
Landry stated that despite its disadvantages, she is of the opinion that seeing other people is worth it if it gives her child the chance to see that she is in a healthy and happy relationship.